How to Successfully Modify Behavior

Behavior Modification like behavior management & Anger Management is misnamed. People, as you would expect, resist getting modified or managed. Men and women work a lot like springs: the harder you push on them the harder their resistance. The more correct method is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed properly has the capacity to go deep and fix incorrect thinking errors and self demeaning behaviors. The following is one illustration of a cognitive restructuring text.

Amy lived in fear of Cord. She couldn't do right around him. He had brawny muscles and when he lost his temper in irate anger, his arm became a dangerous weapon that might slay her in one blow. Her 128 pound frame had little defense.

Amy came between him and his sexual fantasies and longing for other females. He would therefore stir in her the exact actions that he himself disliked in order to validate his actions towards her. He convinced himself that everything was her fault. He was continuously concentrating on her deficiencies when really she was a faithful, smart, educated woman and nurturing mom.

Amy joined millions of other women and men entangled in the mist of maltreatment, unwanted existence of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Unlike damage by an unfamiliar person, tough cords of attachment and subconscious programming keep the victim completely connected to the abuser in an eternal pattern of violence.

Domestic violence is a systemic disease �� that is, it is ingrained deeply in a person's life. It produces scores of symptoms but, unless the disease itself is eradicated, the symptoms will persist.

1. Can you name some of the symptoms or signs of domestic violence? _____________________________

2. How come domestic violence is more emotionally harmful than violence by someone you don't know? ___________________________

3. How did Amy overcome her disease? ____________________________________________________________

4. What occurs if her and women similar to her do not permanently cut the ties through complete separation but stay attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________

5. Severing relationships is often terrifying and painful. Why should we avoid judging those who remain in abusive relationships? __________________________________

The abused really need encouragement, not disdain. T or F?

6. How should you successfully sever the emotional ties of an abusive marriage? ________________________________________

VALIDATION

To completely understand the deep gulf of domestic violence, one must first understand the high that one gets through interdependency, where both partners get their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs satisfied. Fulfilling a person�s Hierarchy of Physical needs which are: air, water, food, clothing, housing � is not complicated, but meeting one�s emotional needs is another question. Take this test:

Using a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.

� Need to be loved - I felt a deep love from my partner; He/She was always there for me.

� Need to be validated � My partner made me feel that I was a good person.

� Need to be affirmed � I really felt important around my partner; I made a difference.

� Need to be understood � My partner listened to me; What I said was understood.

� Need to be appreciated - My partner really appreciated everything I did for him/her.

� Need to be secure � I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.

Total=

Excellent: 30-24

Problem: 23-17

Harmful: 16-6

7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket did you fall into? _________ What does this mean? _______________

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Decades ago, Larry Lloyd founded the American Community Corrections Institute. ACCI sponsors a news blog on the topic of criminal behavior and related issues.

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